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worn thin from red lights and scotch
09 February 2011 @ 11:05 pm
My weight has been fluctuating for literally months from 139 to 145.
I'm 145 right now and I have to battle to get it back down again. This is just nauseating. I need my diet to be as strict as it was when I first started but it's so hard. WHY IS IT SO HARD.
worn thin from red lights and scotch
05 July 2010 @ 12:45 am
worn thin from red lights and scotch
08 April 2010 @ 02:59 pm
The voice you’re hearing isn’t me.
The images you’ll see may or may not be.

I am a constellation,
seen by the eyes of millions as something I am not.

Hidden by traffic congestion,
happily avoiding the headlights of your car.
But I’m certain we’ve met.

I was born in a suburb outside a major city.
Raised for marriage and kids.
Protected by police who ticket soccer moms
and property taxes high enough to keep diversity from the country clubs.

Bigot Golfer:
“Did ya hear the one about the jew, the negro & the bagel shop? Hahaha.”

Kids can be mean...
Or maybe too honest.
And adults just as bad with less excuse.

You’ve all told me that I’m not normal.
Slightly unnatural.
Unless of course I’m telling a bitchy joke or critiquing your outfit.

I’m not so obvious --
Whatever that means.

No attitude, no drugs
No short shorts or crooked visors.
No showtunes, no Cher, no Madonna.
Okay maybe a little Madonna,
but only in my private time.

I’m married to my work and to changing the world,
avoiding the one most personal to me.

An actor on stage, a man with a camera...
allowing you to see only so much of me.

A past unchanged.
Relationships too strong to discount.

There’s no direct answer I can offer today,
questions hanging above me waiting to crush...

Don’t make me look up.

Why do you need to know?

Besides, no matter what I say,
you’ll still believe what you want to believe.
You obviously know me better than me.
Read the headlines! Spare me the need to explain.

We’ve apparently come so far, yet not if your legs are too lazy to walk.

If things are so good, why am I still ashamed
to scratch an itch that’s not going away?

Why am I too scared to face the lens?

Should I sit at the back of the bus?
Maybe I wont take it at all.

We all have things we don’t know how to face:
High blood pressure, a cheating spouse.
Overbearing parents, fading memories...
An alcoholic uncle who talks too close.

Love. Death.

This one is my obstacle.

I’m not asking you to feel sorry for me.
I don’t and neither should you.

Some know, some someday will.
But why am I ashamed?

I just refuse to be judged as the people who’ve defined me
before I had a say.

Each one of us is a separate sky enclosing a world all our own...

Why should I tell?
Why invite you in?

Knowledge is a gift, not something deserved.

So for now, I’ll remain married to my work
and out to change the world.

...Even if I have to do it alone.

As long as I’m know for the human that I am,
who I want to be.
And not just the other that I don’t.

The imagery you have seen may have been me or not.
But I’m certain we’ll meet.

Maybe one day — some day — I’ll feel proud to tell.
but for now that day seems forever away.
worn thin from red lights and scotch
I can get to my sleep, I can think that we just carried on."

I threw together a tribute video to Panic last night, because I'm still not entirely over it and I was bored, so check it out if you want.

Current Mood: blankblank
worn thin from red lights and scotch
15 July 2009 @ 02:56 pm

At this part anyway:


It was such an amazing movie though, omg. My heart broke every time Draco cried.
Current Mood: excitedexcited
worn thin from red lights and scotch
06 July 2009 @ 04:00 pm
I have honestly never been this depressed.

I just feel so BETRAYED. I want the boys I loved back the way they were when they all loved each other and made wonderful music together.
worn thin from red lights and scotch
02 July 2009 @ 05:17 pm
I really need to start updating this more. Everyone probably thinks I died or something.
What's happened to bandom? It's like nothing is happening in the Panic! world. I guess it's just because they're not doing anything music wise right now, but seriously. I haven't even checked the community in forever because I know all it will be is a bunch of their Tweets. Which I don't care about.

Harry Potter's coming out in 14 days. I'm going to DIE. Me and my friend Alex and my other friend Amanda are going to dress up as characters and go to the midnight premiere, and we don't feel dorky or geeky in the slightest. :) We're pumped.

Anyway, how are you guys' lives going? I want details. I haven't checked my fl in so long.
Current Mood: boredbored
worn thin from red lights and scotch
06 March 2009 @ 04:06 pm


Sure, it was for Cute is What We Aim For, but I mean.
Come on.


And then when I left the show this guy was like, "you got the set list, rock on!" and he was like, beaming at me. Which was weird, but I think he was drunk so it's all good.

OH OH, and then when Shaant ran off stage all these little twelve year old girls were like pulling at his clothes, and he just ran past them, and he pushed some of them off. lol douche.

I also met all the guys from Every Avenue, and that lead singer is a hot piece of ass.

one day i will look good after a concert.

Breathe Carolina was pretty good, and the singer jumped on us and I held his hand!
And this bitch called me a bitch. I hate those kind of people. She was like, shoving me into this guys shoulder blades and telling me i was trying to kill her. Whatever.
I met Meg & Dia too, and I think i developed a girl crush on Dia.
Not even kididng.

It was fun.

Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: meg&dia - roses
worn thin from red lights and scotch
08 February 2009 @ 10:55 am

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

I definitely added my name to the last. Go to the website at the end and fight it. :)
worn thin from red lights and scotch
03 January 2009 @ 04:36 pm

wtf, im in love with that girl Shane from the L Word.
Seriously. ^
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: Bon Iver